Take Me Away

I think I'm going to update my about me on myspace, this is my old one.

In truth, i am amazing but how, i see not. My lack of motivation and lack of self confidence, especially in years past, makes me question the motives behind people's friendships with me, as i do not have confidence in my personality, or lack of personality i often find myself thinking. I am socially pressed into situations and groups because even through the most stuck up personalities and dominant souls i find warmth that keeps me around. Or perhaps what i truly feel is that loneliness and rejection are the feelings in which truly haunt and triumph my soul, making leaving any kind of friendship, either substantial or minimal, perhaps one of the most difficult tasks. My past, or at least the parts i feel have shaped me substantially, is one of the hardest things to talk about next to depression. While I have been slowly recovering my memory, it feels as if for many of the years it has vanished with the only thing to replace it is a clean black slate. I do know what the past has shaped though. It's shaped my body image, in which I am constantly ashamed of, despite the new found affection I seem to have attained from college. It's shaped my view on love, in the sense that I believe love is a hoax. It's shaped my view on who I am, on who I believe I am and why part of me believes I am destined to be disliked, though my friends seem very fond of me. It's shaped my sexual desires, my fears, my wants, and the part of my psychology that didn't develop from me trying to grow through thought. I may not know what shaped these exact things, but I'm certain through my childhood and through much of my teenage years these particular items were shaped. As for my wants, my goals, they have stemmed from my fears. I grow on wants to become amazing and well noticed, well recognized for something, so that in hopes that my personality, that me, as one soul in over six billion, will not be forgotten. I spend years, even decades to build up a skill, to create a goal for myself, and with each new personality, each new soul i meet, my pride for the way I've grown can have the shot to be destroyed within moments or seconds. When you build yourself up you are never prepared for when you take yourself down. It is not easy to define who I am, because in who can one person be easily defined by simple paragraphs, or even a single essay. So here I will stop, because now you know my basic opinion in which i hold of myself, which I'm not even sure I wanted you to know.