The last couple of days have been horrible and i don't think this upcoming week is going to be any better since you know i have jury duty
argh
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Spor!
So i remember very few things about my subconscious perception of reality....hehe
We were in a dugout, baseball field with a dick team who thought of me and the other chick i was with....i don't remember who, we were investigating her..........as shit, no lower than shit......and like we all went inside and i walked outside and this mailman was driving on the street and swerving between both sides and i stood up and had him pull over and asked what was going on...it was the first time he had a late night shift and he was falling asleep at the wheel so i told him hold on and ran inside, and yelled at the team and asked where the mini fridge with teh amps were and there like you know the punishment for taking an amp, and i yelled i don't care just where are they? and they told me and i went outside and got one, and apparently a purple nurple was the punishment so a guy came out and gave me a purple nurple and we got into a fight and he knocked the amp out of my hand and spilt it so i had to grab another, he didn't get the chance to purple nurple me again so i just went out and looked outside but he had already left, so i sat on the side of the road and just sat there....a little bit later one of the baseball players came out and sat next to me and i asked what he wanted, if he was going to punish me and he said no, that what i did reminded him of something that happened to when he was little...he told me the story but i forgot it xD
i remember sometime in the dream i told the person just to forget about it, they think we're lower than shit and not afraid to show it, jocks are jerks, they always have been
We were in a dugout, baseball field with a dick team who thought of me and the other chick i was with....i don't remember who, we were investigating her..........as shit, no lower than shit......and like we all went inside and i walked outside and this mailman was driving on the street and swerving between both sides and i stood up and had him pull over and asked what was going on...it was the first time he had a late night shift and he was falling asleep at the wheel so i told him hold on and ran inside, and yelled at the team and asked where the mini fridge with teh amps were and there like you know the punishment for taking an amp, and i yelled i don't care just where are they? and they told me and i went outside and got one, and apparently a purple nurple was the punishment so a guy came out and gave me a purple nurple and we got into a fight and he knocked the amp out of my hand and spilt it so i had to grab another, he didn't get the chance to purple nurple me again so i just went out and looked outside but he had already left, so i sat on the side of the road and just sat there....a little bit later one of the baseball players came out and sat next to me and i asked what he wanted, if he was going to punish me and he said no, that what i did reminded him of something that happened to when he was little...he told me the story but i forgot it xD
i remember sometime in the dream i told the person just to forget about it, they think we're lower than shit and not afraid to show it, jocks are jerks, they always have been
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Ack blargh blargh
Bagels are sometimes delicious, depending on what kind they are but that's not the point.I hate frustration, and being frustrated it tires me out and makes Andrew upset because unless i say i don't know why its usually him that frustrates me and there are just a lot of times where he does it a lot. I don't feel comfortable yelling at him, or expressing why he's frustrating me because usually he tries to negate himself when i haven't finished so now I've just been going to the room and curling up. This doesn't really help, because then he gets really upset and shit...argh....idk what to do T_T
Friday, June 05, 2009
Nobody Knows Where My Bonnie Has Gone
So you take your chicken breasts and you thaw it and cut it up see, then you cook it in salsa, whichever to your preference, i chose mild cause it was what was available, and when the salsa has soaked into the chicken and the chicken looks nice and tasty, grate some cheese over that bitch and let it melt. Stick it in a warm tortilla with your favorite burrito toppings and you've got a really tasty chicken burrito.
Nom nom....i love experimenting in the kitchen, just use make sure to put oil in the pan ^_^
Blue Denim Shirt and Hipster Shades
So spors(subconscious perception of reality) are interesting
in one of my spors i was attacked by shadow balverines and rescued one of my old friends
in another one i was having a birthday party with like a bunch of random people, well not really random...one of my friends was smoking, i had forgotten she smoked...but in real life she doesn't smoke..but i think her mother does
and then another girl i had invited was from deviantart and she was a major steampunk nerd and was talking about steampunk and was totally losing me.
anyways
^_^ so amazing
in one of my spors i was attacked by shadow balverines and rescued one of my old friends
in another one i was having a birthday party with like a bunch of random people, well not really random...one of my friends was smoking, i had forgotten she smoked...but in real life she doesn't smoke..but i think her mother does
and then another girl i had invited was from deviantart and she was a major steampunk nerd and was talking about steampunk and was totally losing me.
anyways
^_^ so amazing
Sunday, May 31, 2009
You and I were made for love
i'm bored
in other news...i feel so productive lately 0.o and i've been working uberly on getting achievements for fable 2, i haven't even finished the game cause i'm trying so hard to get the achievements.....but in order to get one achievement i have to sacrifice ten people to the temple of shadows and i think i already fucked up, so now i need to like find the temple of shadows...although there's a very good possiblity that i will be killed if i do so....several times...in the face....
in other news.......yesterday me and aj were sweeping up his backyard so that we could...well so that it would look decent, and we found 2 of the kittens....we also buried them. I still am not sure where the third one is and am wondering where it could be....i think next time Samantha's kittens are going to go inside or we should get her fixed before hand...0.o stupid vet...jeez Sam is a horrible mother
then we found wally...and his eye is infected...lovely, he seemed very exhausted so we took him inside and cleaned him up a little bit...his eye is still gunky and gooey though 0.o
i'm hoping that i get to install tiki torches in the backyard tomorrow, that would be awesome...i'm going to try and find a fly trap somewhere too....jeez the backyard needs it
and for those of you who've seen futurama
in other news...i feel so productive lately 0.o and i've been working uberly on getting achievements for fable 2, i haven't even finished the game cause i'm trying so hard to get the achievements.....but in order to get one achievement i have to sacrifice ten people to the temple of shadows and i think i already fucked up, so now i need to like find the temple of shadows...although there's a very good possiblity that i will be killed if i do so....several times...in the face....
in other news.......yesterday me and aj were sweeping up his backyard so that we could...well so that it would look decent, and we found 2 of the kittens....we also buried them. I still am not sure where the third one is and am wondering where it could be....i think next time Samantha's kittens are going to go inside or we should get her fixed before hand...0.o stupid vet...jeez Sam is a horrible mother
then we found wally...and his eye is infected...lovely, he seemed very exhausted so we took him inside and cleaned him up a little bit...his eye is still gunky and gooey though 0.o
i'm hoping that i get to install tiki torches in the backyard tomorrow, that would be awesome...i'm going to try and find a fly trap somewhere too....jeez the backyard needs it
and for those of you who've seen futurama
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Cricket
I've been playing Fable 2 forever now...my chest hurts....and my body won't let me sleep
aw......i
want
to sleep
aw......i
want
to sleep
Friday, April 24, 2009
Why Don't You Go Where Fashion Sits
I volunteered for torture.......yep i volunteered to spend the night at Aj's dad's house.....and JACK FM is pretty freaking awesome
Thursday, April 23, 2009
And whatever it takes
This song is so depressing in acoustic, or maybe i'm just so depressed and frustrated with this computer and my relationship and my life that this song which reminded me of the beginning of the relationship makes me sad, and the fact that its in acoustic doesn't help, cause its slower in a way.....hrm
Anyways rant time! *does a dance* (an angry dance which involves punching people in the stomach) xD
So like i have a few things on my mind, like if someone is depressed to where they tried to kill themselves does that make them ill? They aren't sick for being weak for a moment....i took a lot more offense to that statement that i probably should have. Someone had said that someone else i knew was ill because he tried to kill himself earlier this year......but he's not ill. How....ugh...with no previous attempts, that is just horrid....
agh.......just too upset today to even say anything....
Anyways rant time! *does a dance* (an angry dance which involves punching people in the stomach) xD
So like i have a few things on my mind, like if someone is depressed to where they tried to kill themselves does that make them ill? They aren't sick for being weak for a moment....i took a lot more offense to that statement that i probably should have. Someone had said that someone else i knew was ill because he tried to kill himself earlier this year......but he's not ill. How....ugh...with no previous attempts, that is just horrid....
agh.......just too upset today to even say anything....
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
We Are Going To Continue To Watch It
Angela almost burnt down her house today.
Master chief hit the bottom of the ramp, saw the alien cargo modules that populated the center of the dimly lit room, and knew that damned near anything could be lurking among them. (Halo: The Flood) "Find me something, it'll get sexier." (Survivor in Death) It took all of Jonmere's control not to let his hand fall to the pommel of his sword. (Dark Haven) "You..." he said. Then slowly, horribly, he fell apart. Random threw the gun down and fell to her knees, sobbing. "I'm sorry! she said. I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry..." (Mostly Harmless) A thick set man approaches. (Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister) Well, be as quick as you can, eh? (Hide and Seek) It will increase clitoral sensitivity, the ability to have vaginal orgasms, and libido in general. (The Orgasmic Diet) It burst from her almost as soon as he began to move in her, his thrusts long and deep and firm. (Slightly Dangerous) Verasa's sister Lucia is not going to be pleased. (Lonely Werewolf Girl) The examination was brief. "She's orange alright." (Devil in the Details) There is an awkward silence. (Bobos in Paradise) For those in the psychic and healing fields, it is important to recognize this natural human ability. (How to do Psychic Reading Through Touch) At this point I want to introduce you to an amazing tool that you can use to know exactly to start eating and when to stop. (I can make you thin) Give a man a fish and he can eat today. (Aquarium Cupcake) The weight grew low in my body, as Nicca's tounge caressed in long heavy circles, and at the top of that circle he found that spot, the one would eventually turn that growing warm weight into pleasure. (A Stroke of Midnight) They were green together and purple and yellow and red with white polka dots. (A Color of his Own) There were sounds, too: the creak and groan of trees, the occasional fuzz-buzz of passing bugs. (Poppy) I watched them float away, convinced that some lonely soul, who desperately needed dildos, would find them. (Best of Best Lesbian Erotica)
The words in ( ) are not part of the paragraph, but the books from which they are from.
Master chief hit the bottom of the ramp, saw the alien cargo modules that populated the center of the dimly lit room, and knew that damned near anything could be lurking among them. (Halo: The Flood) "Find me something, it'll get sexier." (Survivor in Death) It took all of Jonmere's control not to let his hand fall to the pommel of his sword. (Dark Haven) "You..." he said. Then slowly, horribly, he fell apart. Random threw the gun down and fell to her knees, sobbing. "I'm sorry! she said. I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry..." (Mostly Harmless) A thick set man approaches. (Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister) Well, be as quick as you can, eh? (Hide and Seek) It will increase clitoral sensitivity, the ability to have vaginal orgasms, and libido in general. (The Orgasmic Diet) It burst from her almost as soon as he began to move in her, his thrusts long and deep and firm. (Slightly Dangerous) Verasa's sister Lucia is not going to be pleased. (Lonely Werewolf Girl) The examination was brief. "She's orange alright." (Devil in the Details) There is an awkward silence. (Bobos in Paradise) For those in the psychic and healing fields, it is important to recognize this natural human ability. (How to do Psychic Reading Through Touch) At this point I want to introduce you to an amazing tool that you can use to know exactly to start eating and when to stop. (I can make you thin) Give a man a fish and he can eat today. (Aquarium Cupcake) The weight grew low in my body, as Nicca's tounge caressed in long heavy circles, and at the top of that circle he found that spot, the one would eventually turn that growing warm weight into pleasure. (A Stroke of Midnight) They were green together and purple and yellow and red with white polka dots. (A Color of his Own) There were sounds, too: the creak and groan of trees, the occasional fuzz-buzz of passing bugs. (Poppy) I watched them float away, convinced that some lonely soul, who desperately needed dildos, would find them. (Best of Best Lesbian Erotica)
The words in ( ) are not part of the paragraph, but the books from which they are from.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Take Me Away
I think I'm going to update my about me on myspace, this is my old one.
In truth, i am amazing but how, i see not. My lack of motivation and lack of self confidence, especially in years past, makes me question the motives behind people's friendships with me, as i do not have confidence in my personality, or lack of personality i often find myself thinking. I am socially pressed into situations and groups because even through the most stuck up personalities and dominant souls i find warmth that keeps me around. Or perhaps what i truly feel is that loneliness and rejection are the feelings in which truly haunt and triumph my soul, making leaving any kind of friendship, either substantial or minimal, perhaps one of the most difficult tasks. My past, or at least the parts i feel have shaped me substantially, is one of the hardest things to talk about next to depression. While I have been slowly recovering my memory, it feels as if for many of the years it has vanished with the only thing to replace it is a clean black slate. I do know what the past has shaped though. It's shaped my body image, in which I am constantly ashamed of, despite the new found affection I seem to have attained from college. It's shaped my view on love, in the sense that I believe love is a hoax. It's shaped my view on who I am, on who I believe I am and why part of me believes I am destined to be disliked, though my friends seem very fond of me. It's shaped my sexual desires, my fears, my wants, and the part of my psychology that didn't develop from me trying to grow through thought. I may not know what shaped these exact things, but I'm certain through my childhood and through much of my teenage years these particular items were shaped. As for my wants, my goals, they have stemmed from my fears. I grow on wants to become amazing and well noticed, well recognized for something, so that in hopes that my personality, that me, as one soul in over six billion, will not be forgotten. I spend years, even decades to build up a skill, to create a goal for myself, and with each new personality, each new soul i meet, my pride for the way I've grown can have the shot to be destroyed within moments or seconds. When you build yourself up you are never prepared for when you take yourself down. It is not easy to define who I am, because in who can one person be easily defined by simple paragraphs, or even a single essay. So here I will stop, because now you know my basic opinion in which i hold of myself, which I'm not even sure I wanted you to know.
In truth, i am amazing but how, i see not. My lack of motivation and lack of self confidence, especially in years past, makes me question the motives behind people's friendships with me, as i do not have confidence in my personality, or lack of personality i often find myself thinking. I am socially pressed into situations and groups because even through the most stuck up personalities and dominant souls i find warmth that keeps me around. Or perhaps what i truly feel is that loneliness and rejection are the feelings in which truly haunt and triumph my soul, making leaving any kind of friendship, either substantial or minimal, perhaps one of the most difficult tasks. My past, or at least the parts i feel have shaped me substantially, is one of the hardest things to talk about next to depression. While I have been slowly recovering my memory, it feels as if for many of the years it has vanished with the only thing to replace it is a clean black slate. I do know what the past has shaped though. It's shaped my body image, in which I am constantly ashamed of, despite the new found affection I seem to have attained from college. It's shaped my view on love, in the sense that I believe love is a hoax. It's shaped my view on who I am, on who I believe I am and why part of me believes I am destined to be disliked, though my friends seem very fond of me. It's shaped my sexual desires, my fears, my wants, and the part of my psychology that didn't develop from me trying to grow through thought. I may not know what shaped these exact things, but I'm certain through my childhood and through much of my teenage years these particular items were shaped. As for my wants, my goals, they have stemmed from my fears. I grow on wants to become amazing and well noticed, well recognized for something, so that in hopes that my personality, that me, as one soul in over six billion, will not be forgotten. I spend years, even decades to build up a skill, to create a goal for myself, and with each new personality, each new soul i meet, my pride for the way I've grown can have the shot to be destroyed within moments or seconds. When you build yourself up you are never prepared for when you take yourself down. It is not easy to define who I am, because in who can one person be easily defined by simple paragraphs, or even a single essay. So here I will stop, because now you know my basic opinion in which i hold of myself, which I'm not even sure I wanted you to know.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Achy Breaky Song
Oh man I'm posting a new blog! My life has kind of been rough this last week, which is why i haven't even been concentrating on anything, so thats why i haven't posted since last wednesday, but other than i've been working on school work.....
*sigh* stupid family issues T_T
*sigh* stupid family issues T_T
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Murmur Murmur Murmur
So today was kind of fail sauce, i got up at 5 to get a free breakfast at Dennys at 6. We took Melony to school and then on the way back to AJ's my car died, I must admit though we got talent for breaking down cars, we pulled into the parking lot just as the car died xD. I was glad my mom came out and got a tow truck for meh, but yeah. I fail at financial things right now, I have 23 for the next 2 months, which means i'll be scrounging for gas soon, or be using my credit card....and then scrounging for money for my credit card payment. I hope that Aj's mom figures out her financial situation soon and gets one less member in the house so that they aren't in debt and i don't have to pay for food xD
I need another job xD
I need another job xD
Monday, February 02, 2009
Take these broken wings
I have a shit load of things to do online
deviantart x3
gaia x10
IMVU
Myspace x8 apps
Roliana x5 games
Facebook x2 {x5 apps(x10 babies, x20 spacefights, x20 super fights, x20 army battles, x8 vampires to feed, x23 vampire battles)} {x1 app(x9 babies)}
jeez
deviantart x3
gaia x10
IMVU
Myspace x8 apps
Roliana x5 games
Facebook x2 {x5 apps(x10 babies, x20 spacefights, x20 super fights, x20 army battles, x8 vampires to feed, x23 vampire battles)} {x1 app(x9 babies)}
jeez
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Cut
Relief exists i find it when...i am cut
*dances*
anyways i have that song stuck in my head, i got job apps, i went into one store and the girl is like i'm putting in my 2 week notice tomorrow, come in on Tuesday, and then the next store i walked in the girl was pregnant and they were going to replace her...fun stuff ^_^
*dances*
anyways i have that song stuck in my head, i got job apps, i went into one store and the girl is like i'm putting in my 2 week notice tomorrow, come in on Tuesday, and then the next store i walked in the girl was pregnant and they were going to replace her...fun stuff ^_^
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
The World Has Its Shine
In short: relationship frustrations
I want you, I want you so bad, but that often seems suppressed a cold heartless stare and a feeling of hatred for myself and irritation with you. You make me seem unintelligent, unable to be musical, unable to be artistic, unable to be worthy. I'm not placing you on a pedestal, oh no, don't worry about that, i do see the laziness and lack of will to do what needs to be done; I place you where you are. Despite your flaws you're still much more intelligent than i am, much more artistic, much more musical, much more forgiving and much more attentive, and I doubt I should be receiving your attention for simply noticing you exist. You deserve better than me in the sense of education, if you could find that person to be mother-like and take care of what you need too, then wouldn't that be a bonus.
*sigh*
Frustration makes me wonder whether or not I'm ready for a relationship, I can barely take care of myself. I wonder why i try to live when I can barely ever exist. Time for me to go sulk and be emo-like.
I want you, I want you so bad, but that often seems suppressed a cold heartless stare and a feeling of hatred for myself and irritation with you. You make me seem unintelligent, unable to be musical, unable to be artistic, unable to be worthy. I'm not placing you on a pedestal, oh no, don't worry about that, i do see the laziness and lack of will to do what needs to be done; I place you where you are. Despite your flaws you're still much more intelligent than i am, much more artistic, much more musical, much more forgiving and much more attentive, and I doubt I should be receiving your attention for simply noticing you exist. You deserve better than me in the sense of education, if you could find that person to be mother-like and take care of what you need too, then wouldn't that be a bonus.
*sigh*
Frustration makes me wonder whether or not I'm ready for a relationship, I can barely take care of myself. I wonder why i try to live when I can barely ever exist. Time for me to go sulk and be emo-like.
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